Mystic Marijuana: Autumn Equinox (New Moon in Virgo)
Over twenty years of experiencing hindrances as a young brown soul has introduced fear of loss and failure to my psyche. When we work twice as hard or find strength to preserve, fear seems to be inseparable from hope. Restlessness has developed into one of my principle hindrances. I find myself resting in a moment of peace, but my attention can often slip, scanning for anything on the horizon that lends itself to worry.
There are your own stories that point to your childhood, raising questions, like, “Is that why I am the way I am?” If things had been different, what hinderance would I have instead? Some of my stories built around my childhood were confusion about my father's affection and/or witnessing my mother's fragile circumstances to earn money. I know other people with similar stories, but have different hindrances.
I inherently knew the doubt my ancestors wished to annihilate was to let go of despair over my father's approval and to let go of love if I wish for love to return. Up until my twenty somethings the intensity of my worries still didn't erase my childhood memories, but admitting my pain and having other people hold it in kindness is healing. Through healing, forms of an old culture die. The new culture is created by a few who are not afraid to be insecure. That feeling of being insecure, even groundless, increased my ability to stay in the work, to be healed. I did not give up my ground on which to stand and was not anchored by society's ideals of love to prevail. My father slowly warmed up and unlocked his caged spirit. He did not even realize that he had something to give and that he could give it, because he was cut off from his own world, his own way of life, worn out by tasks to provide for his family; elation of worthiness to receive love, let alone give it. Fast forward to now and everyday to come, I am reminded of my father's sincere care for his family. My father returning back to the Philippines reaffirmed my awareness that earth will always work to create and maintain the conditions to support life.
In the end, we cannot depend on the hope of results. Your work will be apparently worthless if you’re not free of worrying. As my spirit continues to mature, I realized my mother also got used to the idea of not meeting her own expectations, like me, and more and more started to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the righteousness, the truth of the work itself. She gradually struggled less and less for an idea and more on people. We don’t need specific outcomes, we need each other.
An effective nurturer goes beyond the attainment of knowledge of techniques and motions. A good nurturer is the embodiment of health, discipline and compassion. How good you are depends upon how much of yourself you give during a never-ending training process (New Moon in Virgo).
Many elements beyond technique can be taken into consideration. Here is one of them below, along with a Filipino idiomatic expressions/proverb.
INSPIRASYON (INSPIRATION for Confidence)
Ang nakikinig sa sabi-sabi ay walang tiwala sa sarili. (When you listen to hearsay, you have no confidence in yourself.)
The inspiration coming from your instructor, your clients, and your techniques will help you in what you are doing and gain confidence. But above all, the inspiration (in-the-spirit) from within, will give you confidence, and with it humility.